Friday morning, 5 am: ponderings on motherhood

I still find it hard to get my head around the fact that I am now someone's mother; that there is this creature now who has my eyes and ears and Sören's nose and mouth. And although this sounds like a horrible mutant, it is the sweetest thing I've ever seen. And I am his mother ... Aren't mothers supposed to be those omnipotent people who know everything? At least I think I remember this is the way small children (hopefully) see their mothers and I very much fear the day when my wee boy finds out that I am in fact ... not. All I can do is be the best mother I can and with any luck I will succeed in not screwing this little creature up completely.
Some weeks before my son was born I talked to a woman who had not talked to her 30 year old son in almost ten years. In a way she had stopped being his mother. I hadn't previously been aware of the fact that such a thing is even remotely possible. The woman told me that at some point her mother love had just faded and gone away because her son had been such a difficult character. As I said, this was some weeks before the birth of my own first child; I found the thought of stopping to be a mother bizarre then and now that I am a mother myself, I find it all the more shocking and appalling. And as much as I am new to and, god knows, still fighting with this motherhood thing at some points, if there is one thing I know it is this: I will always love this wee thing to bits. No matter how little sleep I get and no matter how many stupid things he will do later on in his life (and being his father's son, there is little doubt he will have some eventful teenage years), in the last four weeks I have learned that a mother's love is unconditional. When the wee one rests his tiny head against my breast, falls asleep in my arms and I get to smell this sweet little pink baby scent, it is worth all the sleep deprivation, all the dirty nappies, the having to wash clothes everyday, the not finding time to shower or have a decent breakfast, the not being able to go out, the puking, the screaming, the puffy eyes...everything. One look of those wonderful brown eyes more than makes up for that. So, go ahead, people, and have kids. It is definitely worth the while!