Monday, May 29, 2006

Quote of the day:

Playing a boardgame with 2.03 (my favourites, I LOVE these kids), the dice went amiss. Keyla thought that Murray had taken it and asked him to come forward with it, to which request Murray (11) replied:
"Stealing the dice!? What do you TAKE me for; some sort of crazy terrorist??!"

Will miss those kids...

Friday, May 26, 2006


am Dienstag geh ich Kanu fah'n. Und am Mittwoch auch, bloss dass ihrs wisst. Davon gibs dann KEINE BILDER. So. Weitermachen.

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Hey hey hey!

Three new entries in one day! Plus this one makes four! HAHAAAAA! Who's the Queen of blogging, eh!?!

Public Announcement

my "bringing-german-culture-to-unappreciative-little-kids" project is coming to an end, I only have two more days at school and tomorrow I'll have to hand in my laptop, as my boss Mr Miller (you know him by the name of Headofdepartment) apologetically announced today at lunchtime.
So I'll have to part with this stubborn, ugly little darling of mine, wich granted me access to the world, especially on Europe mainland, for the last nine months.
Which means that from now on, there's going to be no more pictures on my blog and entries will be rare and precious. Even more precious I mean. Also I won't be able to check my email as regularly any more, so in case you need to get in touch, you are going to have to pick up your bloody phones and give me a buzz, you unfaithful bunch of mutes!! Eherm. Sorry.
I promise though to spend heaps of both time and money in the Honey Pot, sipping hot tea respectively ice cold Appletizer and exploiting their free internet access and the not quite as free chicken tikka burgers and try to stay in touch that way.
I love you all; spread the word.

And now lean back and please enjoy the last couple of pictures of my beloves caledonia (huch, I should be a folk singer)...

Things I am going to miss (Part three)

Steve McKenna from Real Radio,

because he reminds me of how relatively sane we all are. His weather forecast sounds something like "Throughout the day there's going to be light showers, a jacuzzi and seven baths", in a way that it takes your brain a while to think "Hold the phone, what did he say???".
He's an absolute mental case, which leads me to:

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Things I definitely definitely WON'T miss (part two)

The Liverpool accent, coming towards me from all angles as soon as I switch on the TV. They don't close their vowels EVER!, they put diphtongs where there really shouldn't be any, they even invent totally new ones, juhuu! it sounds like a drunkard with a cold AND his mouth full of marshmallows or somebody else's cock mocking the english language. I's doin' me 'ead in!! "10.33 pee aeaem. Muost uf the haaousemeeaates are in the kitchaen..." Is that the punishment for watching big brother? Well, sometimes the punishment don't seem to fit the crime.
The only person to get away with it is Paul O'Grady,

an elderly ex-transvestite with a workday afternoon TV show and a thing for lap dogs. Because, let's be honest, strange and annoying is exactly the way someone like that should talk.

Sunday, May 21, 2006

Ein Blick aus dem Fenster verraet:

Es pisst und windet dermassen, dass die Pfuetzen auf dem Parkplatz kleine Tsunamis beherbergen.
Deshalb bin ich in die Royal Terrace umgezogen, wo das Wetter besser ist
und das ist der Blick aus meinem Fenster. Immer. Und wenn ich so an meinem neuen Alkovenfenster sitze und Tee schluerfe, dann denke ich jetzt immer "huch, Isengart".

Ihr merkt, es ist Sonntag abend und mir ist LANGWEILIG weil ich pleite bin und nich rausgehen kann wegen dem Wind und der Tsunamis und weil sogar ICH mein Fernseh - Pensum fuer heute erschoepft habe (Big Brother included). Aber morgen starte ich durch! Der grosse Bericht darueber natuerlich in due course an dieser Stelle.
Gute Nacht, geschaezte Menschen!

Friday, May 19, 2006


I finally made it!!! All this Foreign Language Assistant stuff was really nothing but a nice little coverup story for my real purpose, which was to get the very snapshot that I got to take tonight while I was browsing through the Whisky section at Jenners. Here it is:

He only let me take the picture after I promised to sleep with him, and that kept me busy all afternoon, so that's why in case you tried to call me today I wasn't in because that's where I was and now I'm exhausted.

(...just kiddin', please don't sue me, Mr McGregor...)

Thursday, May 18, 2006

Sunday, May 14, 2006

Wenn man so nen richtigen Scheisstach hat...

..wenn schon direkt nach dem viel zu fruehen Aufwachen Gedanken an den nicht zur Kommunikation bereiten Bruder im Kopf herumtanzen und an die Uni, in der man total versagt hat und der man sich bald wieder stellen muss und ob man denn ueberhaupt das sein will, was die Uni aus einem macht und Gedanken an wie man bitte alles das bezahlen soll was man bezahlen muss und daran wie duenn die Chancen sind, vernuenftig Geld zu verdienen bevor man 30 ist...wenn all diese fiesen Gedanken das Gehirn in Schutt und Asche legen bis die Augen rot sind und sich anfuehlen, als wollten sie aus ihren Hoehlen herauspplatzen, und wenn dann auch noch Wolken am Himmel sind und kein Essen im Kuehlschrank..wenn das alles passiert, dann hat man zwei Moeglichkeiten.

1. Man oeffnet das sich in Armeslaeneg entfernt befindende Fenster, traellert ein "arrividerci" und springt aus dem obersten Stockwerk.

2. Man richtet den Blick mithilfe des Fernsehers nach Barcelona und hofft, dass Michael Schuhmacher seinen SCHEISS FERRARI mitsamt seiner dummen Hackfresse und ordentlich Schmackes in einen freundlichen spanischen Reifenstapel faehrt dass es nur so splattattert! (Die Chancen stehen schlecht, aber die Hoffnung stirbt ja bekanntlich zuletzt.)

Waehrend die Optionen abgewaegt werden, schalte ich schonmal den Fernseher an.

Saturday, May 13, 2006

Aus der Rubrik "Tiere, die dumm gucken":

Heute: der Ochs vorm Berg

Nich so kluk sein, aber Hauptsache Piercing...

bits and pieces all over the place

You lovable anglophile people will probably know the story of Giant's Causeway. For everybody else: there's this lovely little place in the north east of Ireland, the spot closest to Scotland (on a clear day you can see the Argyll coast, or so they say...yeah, clear day, like that ever happens!), the coastline of which consists of myriads of octagonal basalt collumns. (Or something like it, damn, I'm not a bloomin' geologist.) Now funny shaped collumns alone don't make a causeway, but the fact that on the other side of the sea, on the west coast of Scotland, the geologically interested traveller can find just the same kind of collumns (forming the island of Staffa and the like), does.
Mythology has it, that in the dark years of the earth, before there were ferries, a Giant from Ireland built the causeway to fight a giant from (or should I say "fae") Scotland, destroying it (the causeway) on the way back so that the other one couldn't follow and also there was some kind of sexy mighty bosomed giantess involved, I cannae remember the details. Anyway, for some reason, the giant fom Ireland (let's call him the Green Giant) left his boot on the shore, as can be seen in my blog entry of 19. February.
And now we are actually getting to the point:
Knowing all this: FORGET ABOUT GIANT'S BOOT.
I actually found the Green Giant's nose, on the other side of the causeway on the island of Iona:

Or maybe it's the Tartan Giant's nose, bitten off in the fight. Who knows...

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Lasst Bilder sprechen!

I might not be the smartest, but at least I've got the looks!

Bueck dich, Fee, Wunsch is Wunsch... oder whie oer whuad???

With friends like Lady Rach, you can't even sit on the bog without having a camera shoved in your face...!

Germany is in whot direction??

Sunday, May 07, 2006


finde ich, wenn am Ende vom Waeschewaschen und -zusammenlegen zwar noch zwei Socken uebrig sind, die aber leider unkompatibel sind, auf dem einen eine Giraffe prangt und auf dem anderen ein Zebra.
Bloed ist auch, dass die Batterie von der Kamera alle ist, womit man dieses optisch schmucke Ungemach fuer die Ewigkeit haette festhalten wollen. (Ne Giraffe und Zebra! In einem Raum!!)
Ausserdem ist auch noch bloed, dass der Walkman (jaa, liebe iPod-Kinder, ihr habt richtig gehoert, ein guter alter Sony Walkman, nich son neumodischer Krams!) nich aufzufinden ist, wo nagelneu aufgeladene Batterien drinne sind.
Und zu guter Letzt ist hammerbloed, dass am Ende von der ganzen nichts taugenden Bloedheit nich mal ein gescheiter Blogeintrag rauskommt. Typisch.

Friday, May 05, 2006

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

Scientific breakthrough

Darauf hat die Welt gewartet:
Nach Jahren der unsubventionierten Forschungsarbeit fanden schottische Wissenschaftler letzen Montag endlich das fehlende Glied zwischen Schaf und Schwein:

...aber vielleicht ist es doch nur das massigste Schaf der Weltgeschichte...
was fuer eine fette Sau...!