Friday, April 28, 2006

Things that feel good

1. Going to Tesco first thing in the morning after not having been able to really buy any food that would qualify to bear that name in ten days and spending the precious bucks on things like muffins, chorizo and strawberries and on returning home downing a pint of Minute Maid Ornage Juice. Just because!

2. Walking through Holyrood Park and smelling the sacred, much missed and thoroughly worshippable scent of ... GRILLANZUENDER!!! HA!!!!

3. Sitting on the slopy meadows on the sides of Arthur's Seat, gazing out over the Firth, reading Pratchett and munching the above mentioned strawberries.

Everything's good when the sun is shining.

Sunday, April 23, 2006

Eh, wie geil-geil-geil!!

You know the sad story...
I know you know it because, despite all your pleadingly upraised hands I told it about a hundred times...
How I wanted a guitar when I was six and my parents got me a flute instead, thus blowing my rock goddess ambitions before they ever popped into existance. Just like the time my mother bought me the ALDI version of a cheap coffee liqueur that tasted downright hidious for my 16. birthday when what I really had humbly asked for was a bottle of Bayley's. Well ... I'm drifting off.

Anyways, years later I got to learn the piano which is fine but which definitely lackst the headbanging potential.
And I never got to learn how to play the guitar, for totally the wrong reasons. (Leaving my ambitions behind for the fact that the size of my hands and the stretchability of my fingers won't allow for anything bigger than an Okululelelelele would somehow been alright in comparison to just burying and forgetting the affair.)
But the story has a classical happy end, used by people throughout time and space:

Now this plan has the tiny teensy weensy but all too obvious flaw that ... I don't have any. Kids that is. What I do have is a little sister, whose diapers I changed about hundredfold more often than our father did (so she practically counts as my own) and who is not only smart and pretty and pretty much rock'n'roll, but who will also in a few weeks be taught how to make 'em strings dance.

Eh, wie geil. Geil, geil, geil!
Go Kathi! Go Kathi! Go Kathi!

All we have to do is wait till after Uncle Albrecht's birthday, when my dad will introduce Claudia (yes, Ladies and Gents, my sister wouldn't be my sister if the guitar didn't already have a name) into the world of the living by playing my great uncle some terrific tune. Or was the word horrific ... my father doesn't play the guitar...he plays the biggest flute I've ever seen and the piano a bit ... Hold the phone,... I think I can see a pattern here!
So, while I am taking this last bit of information to my therapist, please send all useful guitar and rock'n'roll tips to my email adress and I will be sure to forward them to the new star in punk heaven!

Elvis has left the building!

Thursday, April 20, 2006

Ein Inselwestern ... neee, the Western Isles!

Da waren wie also auf den Hebriden. Dort gab es folgende Dinge:

-extrem komfortable Befoerderung (schwarz mit Chrom)
-unterhaltsame cattlegrids (prrrrrrrrt)
-smaragdfarbenes Meer
-harmlose Steilwaende und hinterlistige Sommerwiesen
-Baeche, die bergauf fliessen(!)
-Warnung vor dem Otter
-Straende die aussahen wie Sand am Meer ... in der Suedsee
-eine Million Regenboegen
-das Meer ist hintern Haus und geht nachts weg
-ondulierende single track roads
-Familienrabatt fuer uns auf CalMac Faehren
-eine hochsensible Autoalarmanlage, die mir auf dem Schiff einen Ausruf bescherte
-Hochmoore, huaehuaehuae...
-vier Jahrszeiten an einem Tag
-eine Flugzeuglandebahn, die nur bei Ebbe funktioniert, weil sie naemlich der Strand ist
-kurz: Inselhopping vom Feinsten

Und die Hebriden, die sehen auch aus, und zwar so:

wir waren bei den Callanish standing stones und die Cami war auch da.

Ahhhhh.... erste Strandsichtung auf Lewis

Das mit dem Schatz am Fusse des Regenbogens is eine Luege. Wir waren da!

Und so sahen WIR aus:

... excellente Fressen.

Und das Schlusswort hat Herr Johannes Langbein:

PS: Es entstanden auf Mathilda 84 Bilder, von denen ca 80 nur fiese Fressen zeigen. Das gesamte Elend, darunter auch ein Wasserwetttrinken zwischen Herrn H. und Herrn P., ist unter dem Link "Galerie" und dem Namen "Hebriden April 2006" zu entdecken.
Auch gibt es dort mysterioese Bremsspuren zu bestaunen und ich moechte hiermit zu einem Wettstreit auffordern, wer die plausibelste Erklaerung hat, wie es dazu kam...

Friday, April 07, 2006

This sure is my kind of place

Now here's a long awaited car parc access restriction for you:

(abandoned Smarts will be confiscated and quite possibly destroyed)
(don't leave litter and 121s on these premises)
(keep Scotland clean - take your Yaris home with you)
(to use this car park, you must be one ton or over)

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

Motto of the Day:

Mustard deserves advertising

The famous everyday Philosopher and Psychologist Mirian Raquel Galeano Gimenez, Wolfit's, 03.04.2006

Gene Roddenberry was right!

Wormholes! They exist!
Monday morning woke me up (at half seven by the way, aaaaaaaahhthangyouverymuch) with a bright and sunny sky, the birds singing (or rather choking and puking or whatever it is that seagulls do) and the Lady and I in the mood for shopping. I left my jacket at home, because it was sooooooooooo sunny, but by the time Rach and I had met in front of the Balmoral, it started ... not exactly raining ... snowing!
So we decided to take shelter (and a coffee) in the Princes Mall, the sorry shabby shopping center next to the train station. We entered at the wrong entry and reached Costa about thirty seconds later, only to come out towards Princes Street again, where the coffe place's huge glass front revealed broad daylight and bright sunshine. Without noticing, we must have slipped into a parallel universe, somewhere along the way through Princes Mall.
So, Trekkies of all nations, genders and species, wear your supersize mustard coloured Captain James Tiberius Kirk Uniform with pride! And watch your step.

Although: I've never been a Trekkie. I always hung around in the other camp; thats why I shall continue this entry in the following way:

Weather Wars

Episode IV: A New Hope

It is winter in the galaxy. In a grim and adamant battle, the sun managed to win a first victory. Encouraged by sunny spells, the rebel vessels Rach1 and Fleck Falcon are careening through the city to savour the vital rays of sun and save them deep inside their Vitamin B ports.
Engines screech and wings are brought into sun bathing position when they reach their destination, the beach of Cramond.
On they go, onto the satellite Cramond Island. They know they might not have much time before the imperial bad weather front tracks them down to destroy their hopes.
Yet, on the way back from the satellite, voctory strikes! They take off their top layers of clothing and stop for a sunning session. Back on shore, they refuel their tanks with the season's first dairy ice cream cones.
The grey Imperial Fleet is nowhere to be seen. The sun is victorious in her fight to restore spring to the galaxy. Or so it seems.
Save for now, the two Pilotesses make their way back to the Rebel Base to celebrate their good fortune.
May the tan be with you!