Some of you will say "You lying bloody bitch, I saw you the day before yesterday and you were not in space". But I assure you; what you saw and talked to was just the lookalike that the aliens left here to take my place and lull my friends in a delusive feeling of being secure.
It all startet on the day of the match for the third place in the worldcup. Early in the evening already did the aliens announce the forthcoming arrival of their mothership by sending out plate sized and shaped drones as we know them from starwars, the ones that land on Hoth to search the frozen landscape for the rebel base...anyway: One of those drones came flying over the roof towards the group of people lying on the rooftop and enjoying beer and barbecue (which would be us). Volker tryed to catch it, but his strength was no match for the alien engine and it flew on unhindered, hit Johannes' head and shattered on the veranda. Everybody thought that Volker had slung a plate at Jo and the commotion was big and only died down minutes later. Of course, Volker was flabberghasted and didn't understand what was going on; I could read it in his face.
I wanted to scream to point out to my friends that it was not Volker throwing anything but already the alien brainwaves had seized my mind and I couldn't do anything.
Some time later, the alien mothership landed on Alexanderplatz.
The intruders knew that everybody would be watching football and as there was no public viewing on Alexanderplatz, it proved a safe anough place for them to land secretly and unnoticed. I saw them land their massive UFO and when my two friends with whom I was sitting with their backs to what was happening on the roof weren't looking for the fragment of a second, they beamed me into their ship and replaced me with a high tech dummie that looked exactly like me. (One of my friends was so drunk that he probably wouldn't have noticed a green flourescent one eyed alien appearing on the roof, snatching the beer from his hands and eating the bottle. But I'm not going to mention names here...)
Unfortunately I can't tell you what happened during my two weeks in space. First of all because my brain was partly cleansed before they brought me back an hour ago and I can't seem to remember the better part of it, second because they seem to have implanted in my brain the knowledge that my telling of the things I experienced and saw would make the multiverse implode. So I'd rather not say anything. BUT: Before the brainwaves paralized my mind completely, I could take this picture, so as to prove my story:
So this is to say: Volker is innocent...
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